Threat Advisory Level

After my first plane trip alone with the little man, I have created my very own Threat Advisory System. This helpful system was inspired by Homeland Security, and similar to our national threat level, the advisory rarely goes below Yellow...

GREEN
Baby is asleep, or perhaps having a bottle. There is a LOW RISK of loud noises, crying, melt-downs, major squirming.

BLUE
Baby is currently occupied with a toy, or perhaps looking out the window. There is a GENERAL RISK of loud noises, crying, melt-downs, major squirming.

YELLOW
Baby is starting to squirm, throw toys on the floor, whine in progressively louder tones, and will not accept his pacifier. There is an ELEVATED RISK of loud noises, crying, melt-downs, major squirming.

ORANGE
Baby is only consoled by playing with parental possessions at significant risk of permanent / expensive damage (e.g., sunglasses, cell phone, iPod) or personal injury (e.g., keys, jewelry). There is a HIGH RISK of loud noises, crying, melt-downs, major squirming.

RED
Nothing will pacify baby, leaving parent to consider why did they make this stupid trip in the first place, how can such a sweet creature make cry so loudly for so long, and what is that loud grinding sound? Oh, it's my teeth. There is a SEVERE RISK of loud noises, crying, melt-downs, major squirming.

NOTE: Do not accidentally proceed directly to Code ORANGE by forgetting that your sunglasses are on top of your head, well within arm's reach of any baby who knows his stuff. Once the sunglasses are in the baby's hand, removal removal of said glasses causes immediate escalation to Code RED.