Beware the Praise Junkie

I'm back. Today anyway.

As the Little Man grows, starts talking, responding to praise and punishment, and generally turning into a little kid, I was especially interested to read this article.

http://www.alfiekohn.org/parenting/gj.htm

The author mentions using confirmation of an action (you tied your shoes!) versus praise (wow you tied your shoes so well!). This helps your child know that you're paying attention, but does not make him rely upon you for confirmation of whether or not he is doing a good job.

The Millennial generation grew up with parents who were taught that praise is the "right" way to direct your children's behavior. The result is a generation of praise-junkies, as evidenced by the guidance I am constantly given as a supervisor of new hires. "Praise them. Give them feedback. They need lots of assurance from you that they're on the right track." Some of the advice is even a little bitter (mainly from older generations): "They need to have someone say 'good job' just for showing up to work on time."

Generational tensions aside, I believe that this article has some good advice. I intend to pay attention to my little man, but give him room to build his own sense of when he is doing a good job. However, I'm sure well-deserved praise will continue to flow!

Apple Milk

Shortly after the little man switched over to cow's milk, it seemed like he wasn't 100% sure of the taste. He did drink it pretty well, but then I saw some kids drinking strawberry milk (the Nesquik kind), and I thought maybe he would like milk better if it were a little sweeter. Not really wanting to start a Nesquik habit in the house, I invented Apple Milk instead. All you do is put a splash of apple juice into regular milk. Maybe 10-20%. The little man loves it! He'll still drink regular milk, but often he'll ask for some apple juice, too. It works well, but you definitely get some weird looks from people when you mix juice into milk!

Dermatologist Recommended

When I noticed myself sneaking into the Little Man's room at night to steal his lotion, I knew he had a good thing. He has had some mild skin problems that culminated in a staph infection of the hair folicales on his back. Ew, gross, I know. Anyway, the antibiotic took care of the infection, and we went to see a dermatologist. Turns out he has some mild eczema. And the key to managing it is to keep his skin well lubricated. If not, it gets dry and flaky, and is susceptible to icky things like staph infections.

So what did the dermatologist recommend to keep his skin as soft as a baby's skin should be? Aveeno. Just the regular old Aveeno body lotion in the green and tan bottle. The one that says "Dermatologist Recommended" right there on the front. I think in the past I've always been turned off by the smell. But after using Aquaphor and Vaseline, it smells about the same, but it's not so think and goopy. And his skin is again as soft again as it should be. AND my hands are benefitting as well! Such a good solution. I'm thinking of getting a bottle for me.

Thermometers and the Related Fever

At the hospital, they sent us home with a simple electronic thermometer. And some sort of expectation that you'd be taking your baby's temp every 2 hours or something to make sure no fevers ever occurred. For the first six weeks, you live in fear of a fever because any real fever at that age results in a... FULL SEPSIS WORK-UP. Wow! What the heck is that? Answer: Blood, urine, SPINAL FLUID. Yes, spinal fluid. So you REALLY don't want your baby to get a fever. And I thought, if he DOES get a fever, I want to know right away. So I bought one of those $40 ear thermometers.

Here's the conversation I had with the nurse the first time the Little Man had a fever (luckily outside of the full-sepsis-workup age range):

Me: "My son has a fever"

Nurse: "How high?"

Me: "103"

Nurse: "How'd you take that temperature?"

Me: "With my fancy $40 ear thermometer"

Nurse: "Take it anally and call me back"

Me: "D'Oh!"

Because of course, you can't take a squirmy baby's temp while on the phone, so you have to hang up, take the clothes off, take the diaper off, figure out the cheap-o thermometer they gave you at the hospital, take the temp, then call back, wait on hold, explain the whole situation to a new nurse, and THEN get a same-day appointment.

The moral of this story is obvious: Save your money. Use the cheap-o hospital thermometer. We're still using it today, and the Little Man is nearly a year and half old.

Baby Anthropology

One of the best books we read while pregnant was Our Babies, Ourselves: How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We Parent by Meredith Small. It's a great book that really helps put some perspective on all the things that we think are "normal." You realize that "normal" is very specific to our Western, modern culture. With greater context, you can make informed decisions, rather than unconscious non-choices. It's a good, fairly quick read. But definitely read it before the baby comes. One of the author's other books, Kids: How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We Raise Young Children, is still on my shelf.

Jet Lag Has Nothing on Baby Lag

There are many ways in which becoming a parent changes you. You learn new things. You gain new skills. Some are obvious (diaper changing... patience...) and some are not. Take for instance, what I like to call "baby lag."

As a new parent, you learn to live with major sleep deprivation. All the time. You think it's bad when you're still at home on maternity leave. I mean, new babies wake up like every 90 minutes and want something. Like milk. Or a clean diaper. Sheesh. But then you go back to work. You still have to get up in the middle of the night. Every night. Sometimes multiple times. AND you also have to smack that snooze button a couple times before dragging your butt out of bed because there's some sort of crazy expectation that you actually show up at work. So you wander about in a sleep deprived haze hoping people at work won't notice your serious lack of concentration and short-term memory.

But all this has an upside. You have now conquered what I call "baby lag." And if you have successfully and fully obtained this skill, you are now immune to the more commonly known affliction of jet lag. I have traveled all the way around the world since my child was born. And you know what? International business travel jet lag has got NOTHING on baby lag. You get to sleep when you want. It's quiet. You have no chores to keep you up. People EXPECT you to be unfocused and drifty. Come on. Piece of cake. You have mad baby lag skills now.

A brief word of warning, though... international family travel is another story entirely... But that's a post for another day.

Get a Comfy Rocking Chair

There is this rocking chair. It was in my room before I can even remember. A fixture of my childhood. It is wooden. It creaks. It has been painted many colors. My dad was rocked in it. I was rocked in it. My little sister was rocked in it. Of course I had to have it for my little man's room.

I was fortunate because my mother was willing to part with it. She even gave it a fresh coat of paint. And now my son has been rocked in it, too. I've nursed him many nights in it, I've read him countless bedtime stories in it. I've kept him company while he fell asleep in his crib. But here's the kicker. I've slept in it. Too many times to name. And I think it has caused serious neck damage. OK, well not serious. But anyway, my point is that when you choose a rocking chair for your baby's room, the number one factor influencing your choice should be heirloom status. But the number two factor: sleepability. Because you will sleep in it. A new parent cannot get up night after night, achieve serious levels of sleep deprivation, and NOT fall asleep in a rocking chair from time to time.

So when you're picking a chair for baby's room, ask yourself "am I OK with sleeping in this chair on a regular basis?" A few other nice features are arms for supporting your elbows while you hold your baby, a footstool (or other device to raise your knees while nursing, I typically used an old cardboard box), and gliding or rocking capability.

And for the record, I plan to use my special old rocking chair in my next baby's room too. Sore neck or no.