Jet Lag Has Nothing on Baby Lag

There are many ways in which becoming a parent changes you. You learn new things. You gain new skills. Some are obvious (diaper changing... patience...) and some are not. Take for instance, what I like to call "baby lag."

As a new parent, you learn to live with major sleep deprivation. All the time. You think it's bad when you're still at home on maternity leave. I mean, new babies wake up like every 90 minutes and want something. Like milk. Or a clean diaper. Sheesh. But then you go back to work. You still have to get up in the middle of the night. Every night. Sometimes multiple times. AND you also have to smack that snooze button a couple times before dragging your butt out of bed because there's some sort of crazy expectation that you actually show up at work. So you wander about in a sleep deprived haze hoping people at work won't notice your serious lack of concentration and short-term memory.

But all this has an upside. You have now conquered what I call "baby lag." And if you have successfully and fully obtained this skill, you are now immune to the more commonly known affliction of jet lag. I have traveled all the way around the world since my child was born. And you know what? International business travel jet lag has got NOTHING on baby lag. You get to sleep when you want. It's quiet. You have no chores to keep you up. People EXPECT you to be unfocused and drifty. Come on. Piece of cake. You have mad baby lag skills now.

A brief word of warning, though... international family travel is another story entirely... But that's a post for another day.

Get a Comfy Rocking Chair

There is this rocking chair. It was in my room before I can even remember. A fixture of my childhood. It is wooden. It creaks. It has been painted many colors. My dad was rocked in it. I was rocked in it. My little sister was rocked in it. Of course I had to have it for my little man's room.

I was fortunate because my mother was willing to part with it. She even gave it a fresh coat of paint. And now my son has been rocked in it, too. I've nursed him many nights in it, I've read him countless bedtime stories in it. I've kept him company while he fell asleep in his crib. But here's the kicker. I've slept in it. Too many times to name. And I think it has caused serious neck damage. OK, well not serious. But anyway, my point is that when you choose a rocking chair for your baby's room, the number one factor influencing your choice should be heirloom status. But the number two factor: sleepability. Because you will sleep in it. A new parent cannot get up night after night, achieve serious levels of sleep deprivation, and NOT fall asleep in a rocking chair from time to time.

So when you're picking a chair for baby's room, ask yourself "am I OK with sleeping in this chair on a regular basis?" A few other nice features are arms for supporting your elbows while you hold your baby, a footstool (or other device to raise your knees while nursing, I typically used an old cardboard box), and gliding or rocking capability.

And for the record, I plan to use my special old rocking chair in my next baby's room too. Sore neck or no.

Car Seats

A pregnant friend recently asked me about the baby stuff you really need. She was feeling a little overwhelmed by Pee Pee Tee Pees and the like. Anyway, the first thing that came to mind as an absolute necessity was a car seat. Here's what I think about car seats.

1. Buy new. This is your baby's #1 safety item. Do you really want something that has been cooking in someone else's car, possibly traveled through airport security, and had who knows what leaked onto it? No. And you want the latest and greatest. So buy new.
2. Infant seats sure are convenient. Those click-in, click-out kind. You can buckle baby up in the comfort of your house, and then just snap in the seat and you're on your way. More importantly, the sleeping-baby-in-the-back-seat can become the sleeping-baby-in-the-living-room or -in-the-restaurant without becoming the screaming-unhappy-woken-up-baby.
3. The Britax Roundabout (and others, I'm sure) does work from tiny infant to big toddler. If you chose to ignore #2 above, you can save money by buying a single car seat that can face backward when they're little, and forward when they're bigger.
4. Consider getting two car seats. One for each car, or one for you and one for your caregiver. It is also extremely helpful to have two when traveling.
   
5. Get the installation inspected!!! I'm an engineer, as is my husband. We read the car seat instructions. We read the owner's manual instructions. We installed the car seat. We took it to get inspected (see seatcheck.org). We had not done a good job. At all. There were several major things we missed such as not using latch in the middle seat. Who knew? Get it inspected. Or AT LEAST have an experienced parent look at it.

"I Have a Conflict"

One of the best ways to manage work / life balance is to learn one simple phrase.

"I have a conflict."

When you are invited to a dinner after work...

"I have a conflict."

When you really need to work through lunch, but you have a questionably important meeting you've been invited to...

"I have a conflict."

When necessary, you can beef it up a bit...

"I'm SO sorry, but I have a conflict."

It works remarkably well in many situations. And it's not lying, just being vague... my conflict is that I have a commitment to spend that time with my son.

Now just don't tell anyone my secret.

Dessert to Go, Please

Last night, we took the little man out to a special meal at our favorite restaurant. Our favorite restaurant is a fancy but cozy modern American place where it takes weeks to get a reservation. We had never considered taking the little man, but the last time we ate there the sommelier told us we should definitely bring him next time. He was very adamant - he just said, "make a 5:30 reservation... we've had other kids here." We were a little dubious, but excited, and decided that the weekend after Thanksgiving would be the perfect time to celebrate as a family.

If you couldn't tell already, we really love food. And we really want the little man to love food too. Our plan is to expose him constantly to cooking and eating, and not just any food, but good food. I try to never feed him food that I don't like myself (even if it is all mashed up, the flavor has to be good). We take him out to eat a lot. We give him a spoon and a bowl and a colander to "cook" on the kitchen floor while we cook up above. We set him on the counter when appropriate to watch what we're doing. And we figured this was the ultimate - take him out to a really nice dinner.

While he did have a side of Mott's that we brought as a delay tactic, he tried several yummy things from the restaurant: fresh house-made apple cider, delicious warm crusty french bread, and risotto with leeks and mushrooms and a veal jus. When he got too sick of sitting at the table (after an hour and a half which I think is amazing patience for one so little), I got up with him to go watch the kitchen. When I got tired of holding him, I traded off with the big man, and sat back down to finish my wine (a wonderful pinot noir from Sineann). I requested the bill, and looked longingly at the desserts being served to the table next to us. That was when genius struck. Order dessert to go!!

While our desserts were being packaged up and I was sipping my wine, my two men were invited INTO the kitchen, to watch the action and chat with the chef. They were both in heaven. And the chef invited the little man back "anytime." It was a wonderful night. We plan to do it again... next year!

Happiest Baby

We read a lot of books prior to our little man's birth. I think one of the most important ones was The Happiest Baby on the Block. I do not recommend rushing out to buy this new - just get it used or borrow it from someone. You need about 20 minutes to read it, but it gives you simple, wonderful tools to help calm your fussy newborn. And they really worked! Even though the little man has not responded to any of these methods for quite some time, I still remember the "Five S's" - shush, sway, suck, swaddle, and side. Yes, I promise that will make sense once you take a look at the book.

Stokke High Chair

When it came time to get the little man a high chair, we decided to go with a less traditional choice. We bought him a Stokke Tripp Trapp (shown above), and we've been really happy with it. He sits right at the table like everyone else, and is not off in a corner with his own tray. It's adjustable so that he'll use it for many years (eco-friendly!), and then we can pass it on because it is so well made. With the removeable rail, he was able to start using it before he could really even sit up. And in addition to eating, it's great for art projects and other activities at the table.

We were a little worried about the mess, but even that hasn't been a problem. Yes, he does make a mess, but not anymore than I think he would if he were in a traditional high chair. We also got a couple of these silicone place mats, which really help keep his stuff in one place and are easy to clean up in the sink.